The Good and the Bad

 I've come to one of those things I've seen people ask if they should record or not. I've always thought that it should be recorded, whatever it is, because it is truth. You record the good things, why not the bad.

I've been transcribing obits and articles from the newspapers. It is a great way to "flesh" out the people so that they are more than just the names. I have a collection of 'real' clippings plus a lot of digital clippings from newspapers online. I usually put them in a Surname folder, or in some cases, a folder specifically for one person.

I finally decided to get this one folder that I had been putting off transcribing, done. The folder was full of articles about the life of a cousin who died some years back. My thought was that I could not be fair or be so angry and upset that it would show in my handling of his entries. I did not clip all of them, as there were so many over the years, most just repeats of the time before. He got a lot of 'press'.

He was 7 years older than me, so cute and nice when he was little. Everyone loved him, including me. He was just a kid, no different from any of us. No hints of what was to come.

It seems to have started when he was 17, at least it was the first time he was caught. Illegal possession of alcoholic beverages. Next, he had to be patched up after a big fight. Then reckless driving.

He married the first time at 19. It was the end of August, and they had a beautiful wedding. September, he had a hit and run, he pleads guilty and is fined. Same month they have a huge, post-nuptial shower. Lovely. Then in early October he is arrested and charged with public intoxication, minor in possession of alcohol, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, minor entering a tavern, fake ID, carrying a deadly weapon and malicious trespassing. Released on bond, and before November he is arrested for reckless driving and auto theft. They gave him a choice; go into the military or go to jail. So, 2 charges dismissed, the others will be here waiting, and he's now a private. The army will straighten him up, right?

December brings his first divorce.

So, cousin is so nice, charming really, he's smart, quick-witted. The army knows his record and why he is there. At this time Vietnam is going on and our young men are fighting and dying. What do they do with him? Well, they make him the big guy's personal driver. Yea, well that didn't go so well. He spent some time in the brig, if it is called that. Then a dishonorable discharge. In April, less than 2 years after his entering the army, he is here at home and again arrested for intoxication, stealing a car, reckless driving. A month from this, he'll be 21. He will also serve time.

This was his life, from age 17 to the day of his death. He had several wives, I only know the names of the first and last one, whom he spent a couple of decades with. He became toxic, everyone avoided him if they could. He had the last laugh, though I don't know of anyone that thought it was funny. People were quite angry. His wife told them he was in the army during the Vietnam War. You can guess what happened. He did not deserve the honor he was given. Perhaps his wife did not know, and knowing him, he probably had "war stories".

How does this happen to a person? He had an older sister, who is still alive. She's fine. His parents did not drink, and they tried to help him. He was a wonderful young person, you always hoped he'd be there, until one day you had to avoid even saying hello to him.

These two days of transcribing his folder has been full of both loving and painful memories, leaving me with such sadness. Every family experience the good and the bad but seeing it all laid out in black and white, mingling with memories, it's a journey that leaves a mark. I've finally felt grief, not for his passing, but for the life he didn't get to live.

His name is not mentioned here. If family reads this, they will know who I am speaking of. His articles will be locked away in my program for descendants to find sometime in the future. They would find them anyway, but without the knowledge that he was loved. I hope by that time addiction is no longer a problem families must live with. Is it nature or nurture? I don't think it's either. Is there a lesson to be learned? I don't know. I know it is just luck that the only person he hurt was himself.

Medical researchers keep coming up with a pill for just about anything. Ridiculous things. Do they address addiction? Nope. Maybe because alcohol is a multi-billion-dollar business. Addiction needs to be addressed now.